Are You Living Internally or Externally? Why It Matters More Than You Think...#84

Let Your Inner Compass Lead the Way

You’re standing at a crossroads in your life. One path is safe and predictable - the one your parents, friends, or society applaud. The other feels uncertain, risky, even a little scary - but it’s yours. It makes your heart race, not because it’s easy, but because it feels deeply right.

Which do you choose?

Most people pick the first. They spend years chasing titles, approval, and social validation, only to wake up one day asking themselves, How did I end up living a life I don’t even recognize?

The truth is, when you let the world’s expectations shape your decisions, you eventually lose touch with who you really are. And in a time when social media amplifies every opinion, the pressure to conform has never been louder.

The Trap of External Validation

Think about the last time you made a decision based on what you thought others expected of you. Maybe you:

• Stayed in a high-paying job you didn’t love because it looked impressive on LinkedIn.

• Avoided starting a creative project because someone called it “unrealistic.”

• Scrolled through Instagram, feeling like everyone else had life figured out except you.

That’s the trap of being externally oriented - when your self-worth hinges on how others perceive you. You start living on autopilot, allowing other people’s opinions to steer your choices.

And here’s the truth: If you don’t define yourself, the world will do it for you - and the version it writes won’t feel like your own.

The Strength of Internal Orientation

But imagine taking back control. Imagine asking not, What will they think?, but What do I truly want?

This is the power of being internally oriented. It doesn’t mean ignoring feedback or living in isolation. It means rooting your confidence in your own values, not the fleeting approval of others.

Consider Serena Williams, one of the most successful athletes of all time. Throughout her career, she faced relentless criticism about her body, her personality, and her choices. But she never let public noise rewrite her story. She stayed focused on her standards, her growth, and her journey. She retired when she decided, not when the world told her to stop.

Closer to home, I think of the writers and creators here on Substack, people with thriving businesses, busy careers, or successful entrepreneurial ventures. They don’t need to spend extra hours writing essays, building communities, or sharing ideas for free. Yet, they consistently show up, not to go viral, not to chase applause, but because they care about contributing to something bigger than themselves. They choose to give value, start conversations, and build real human connections, not for status, but for purpose.

That’s internal orientation in action: creating and living from your center, not from someone else’s expectations.

Real-Life Consequences

In Careers:

• The externally oriented employee chases titles, promotions, or industry clout, only to burn out in a role that feels meaningless.

• The internally oriented one takes risks to align their work with their values. They might stumble along the way, but they never lose themselves.

In Relationships:

• The people pleaser shifts their personality to fit in, eventually feeling disconnected and unseen.

• The authentic person attracts deeper, more meaningful connections because they’re unafraid to show up as their real self.

How to Cultivate Internal Strength

1. Define Your Own Success,

Ask yourself: If no one were watching, what would I choose to do?
Write it down. Let that vision guide your next step, not someone else’s applause.

2. Embrace Discomfort

Growth lives on the other side of discomfort. The more you build tolerance for criticism or doubt, the freer you become to live on your own terms.

3. Filter Feedback Wisely

Not all opinions deserve equal weight. Listen to trusted mentors who know your values and goals. Before reacting to feedback, pause and ask: Does this person truly understand the life I’m trying to build?

The Choice Is Yours

Every day, you face the same choice:
Will you follow someone else’s script, or will you write your own?

The first path might feel safer at first, but it often leads to emptiness. The second path takes more courage, but it leads to something far more rewarding: a life that’s truly yours.

So ask yourself right now:
Whose voice is guiding my choices, the world’s, or my own?

The answer will shape not just what you achieve, but who you become.

Credit: DALL.E created by me.

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