Unconventional Questions - Unexpected Joy...#64

Asking and Giving: How Divergent Thinking and Altruism Unlock Growth

“I hate red!” “But green is so ugly!” The girls were at a standstill. After a long day navigating the crowded mall, Suzy and Sally had reached their breaking point, now battling over the colour of the baubles we needed for our Christmas tree. The décor aisles were filled with the classic red and green, and our family had always stuck with these so-called “traditional” holiday colours. I was on the verge of calling it quits when four-year-old Nate suddenly shouted, “Purple and blue!” We all paused, stunned by his unexpected suggestion, then burst into laughter. Nate’s innocent declaration not only diffused the tension between the girls but also sparked a fresh perspective: why did we have to stick to red and green? Who decided those were the only “right” colours for Christmas, anyway? In that moment, we were reminded that questioning the status quo can lead to surprising and joyful outcomes. That year, we decorated our tree with purple, blue, and silver baubles - and we loved every bit of it.

We can take a crucial lesson from the above story: the power of the right questions. Great thinkers often ask the questions no one else dares to ask - the ones that push us beyond the boundaries of our current thinking. These questions, known as divergent questions, don’t just seek answers; they challenge us to imagine new possibilities. Asking the right questions is essential for innovation, personal growth, and even for deepening our connections with others.

But there’s a deeper connection here. Divergent thinking isn’t just about creativity - it shapes how we relate to others and the world around us. Just as the right question can open up new pathways of thought, the right motivation can transform how we give to others. This brings us to another fundamental question: If altruism brings us joy, does that make it selfish? The link between asking and giving might seem distant, but both are about pushing beyond the self - whether through exploring new ideas or acting for the greater good.

Divergent Questions: Fuel for Innovation and Connection

In both our professional and personal lives, we often fall into the habit of asking routine, convergent questions - the kind that focus on “What?”, “How?”, or “When?” These questions are necessary for getting things done but rarely spark innovation. Divergent questions, on the other hand, invite curiosity and exploration. They challenge assumptions and open up new possibilities. Think about it: when was the last time you asked, “What if we approached this differently?” or “Why do we always do it this way?”

In the workplace, we often prioritize efficiency over creativity. Yet, the most ground-breaking innovations frequently come from asking unexpected questions. Consider a product design team. Instead of asking, “What features do we need to add?” they could ask, “What if this product wasn’t meant to solve this problem at all? What if we’re solving the wrong issue?” These kinds of questions don’t just generate answers - they unlock entirely new ways of thinking. Historical innovations, like the development of the Post-it Note or the invention of the microwave, were the result of asking questions that disrupted conventional thinking.

This approach applies to our personal lives, too. Relationships, whether personal or professional, thrive on the quality of the questions we ask. Imagine a scenario where, instead of asking your partner, “Why didn’t you call me back?” you asked, “I wonder what made today so busy for you?” This slight shift transforms the conversation from accusation to understanding. Divergent questions foster empathy, connection, and growth in relationships, helping us see the world from someone else’s perspective.

The Altruism Question: When Helping Feels Good, Does It Count?

This leads us to another essential question: If helping others brings us joy, does that make the act selfish? Altruism, by definition, is selfless, but many of us feel joy or fulfillment when we help others. Does that joy somehow diminish the act’s altruism? I would argue the opposite: the joy that comes from helping others doesn’t take away from altruism - it enhances it.

Take, for example, people who donate kidneys to strangers. These individuals often describe the experience as one of the most fulfilling things they have ever done. Does the joy they feel make their sacrifice selfish? Hardly. The act remains altruistic because the primary intention is to help another person, and the joy they feel is a natural by-product of doing good. Similarly, consider more everyday acts of kindness: helping a friend move, volunteering at a food bank, or simply offering a listening ear. The fulfillment we feel when we help others doesn’t make these acts selfish - it highlights our capacity for connection and compassion.

This idea ties into the philosophical concept of the doctrine of double effect, which suggests that the morality of an action is determined by the intent behind it. If the primary goal is to help someone, the joy we experience as a side effect doesn’t diminish the altruism of the act. It speaks to our human capacity for connection. We are wired to find fulfillment in helping others.

Much like how divergent questions push us to break free from habitual thinking, embracing the joy of altruism challenges the notion that helping others must come at a personal cost. In both cases, we are stretching beyond ourselves - whether by exploring new ideas or by reaching out to improve someone else’s life.

Asking and Giving: Two Sides of the Same Coin

When we step back, it becomes clear that asking better questions and giving selflessly are deeply interconnected. Both require us to look beyond ourselves and expand our view of the world. Divergent questions drive us to seek new insights, while altruism reminds us of the joy that comes from connection and compassion. The common thread is this: both are about breaking free from our default modes of thinking and acting.

Consider a situation where you’re stuck on a challenging problem at work. The key to breaking through might lie in asking a better question: What if I thought about this differently? Similarly, when you help someone and feel joy in the process, remind yourself that this joy is not selfish - it’s a reflection of the best parts of being human.

By embracing curiosity through divergent questions and finding fulfillment in altruism, we unlock new levels of personal growth and collective understanding. So, what if the secret to a richer, more meaningful life isn’t about separating thinking and giving, but realizing they are two sides of the same coin?

In the end, both intellectual and emotional growth come from daring to ask new questions and finding joy in the process of helping others. The key lies in realizing that the joy we find in helping doesn’t dilute our altruism; instead, it deepens our connection to the world around us. Whether through a better question or a selfless act, both allow us to stretch beyond ourselves and discover new possibilities for innovation, connection, and fulfillment.

Credit: DALL.E